Top 20 Fictional Crushes (Men)

Hello, hello all my darling ones! The day of love is almost upon us, and since I'll be busy on it for the first time in years, I figured I would bring you a little holiday spirit in advance. But first, I'm going to impart some very important information about myself. I am what they call a gray asexual. Asexual means that you don't feel any type of sexual attraction, although romantic and aesthetic attraction (like the kind I feel for my beloved, beautiful Shae) is not off the table. The reason there's "gray" in my title is because, while asexual people typically don't experience sexual attraction, a gray asexual do, we just have a tendency of having a low sex drive or only want sex under specific circumstances. I myself am simply too lazy for it, and am perfectly content with just cuddling the crap out of someone if I really care.

For more information about asexuality, you can visit this very well-done wiki.

Anywho, with that out of the way, we're on to the theme on the journal: my fictional crushes. These boys are the ones who have stayed with my the longest, impacted me the most, or simply are just that cute. And, because I also consider myself biromantic, I might end up doing a top twenty list for the ladies in my life as well. I just have to stop being so picky...

And now, on to the main event!

20. Col. Fitzwilliam from Pride and Prejudice

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Quite possibly my favorite character in this adorable Jane Austen classic, this guy makes for what basically amounts to the best sassy gay friend. He's the cousin of Mr. Darcy, the main love interest, and one of the only characters who is initially of Darcy's feelings for Elizabeth. He takes the opportunity to do what any good cousin would do and tease the ever-living hell out of Darcy for it, and for being such an uptight prig about station when it comes to his feelings. He's only in the book for a short while, which is why he's so high up, but what little he does is memorable, and I love his face for it.

19. King Roland from Sofia the First

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Sofia the First is slowly beginning to grow on the Disney dork in me, and while Cedric is a cutie, he doesn't hold a candle to this dapper fellow right here. This is King Roland II, king of Enchancia and Sofia's stepfather. With his deep, booming, frankly hammy voice and his adorable moments of sheer nerdom (dude gets so excited about games and science and once tried to command a cow to give him milk; he has earned so many of my squees), he managed to wiggle his way into my heart and claim all for the kingdom of Enchancia! Queen Miranda is one lucky gal.

18. Tri-Klops from He-Man and the Masters of the Universe (2002)

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I've talked about this dweeb before, but now I have another opportunity to gush about my favorite grumpy inventor. One of Skeletor's Evil Warriors, Tri-Klops is, as mentioned, in charge of all the gadgets that Skeletor uses to try and conquer Eternia. He doesn't get a lot of respect from anyone, and he pouts and grumbles every chance he gets. It's hard not to love him and all his hard knocks, coupled with an uber-tragic backstory that makes me wanna huggle him even though he'd just knock me aside. Plus, ya know, he's ripped as all get out. He'll probably be the only guy on here that is, so I figure we should recognize him for that.

17. Cobra Commander from G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero

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And the inept baddies trend continues, this time with Cobra Commander. Yeah, he never pulled off a successful plan and his voice was worse than nails in a blender, but ya know what? He had a nice butt. Seriously. It was lovingly drawn sometimes, I gotta tell you. Aside from that, I do have to admit, his bumbling made him incredibly endearing, so much to the point where you actually wanted him to win every now and then, just because he tried so hard and he deserved it this time, man.

16. Kanji Tatsumi from Persona 4: the Animation

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The only anime guy on my list, Kanji is from one of my favorites: Persona 4. He seemingly starts out as a thug, but as the gang get to know him more, they realize that he's secretly a giant sweetheart, totally devoted to his mother and with a love for "stupid, cute shit". He's amazingly adorable through the whole series, especially when he's around his love interest, Naoto, when he gets all blushy and precious. He's just one of those guys you wanna cuddle forever, as soon as he feels comfortable around you enough to let you.

15. Lord Maliss from Happily Ever After

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This is an old one, you guys. Probably my very first fictional crush ever, and the longest running if this list has anything to say about it. The younger brother of the wicked queen from Snow White, this guy spends the majority of the movie trying to avenge his sister's death, in the most over-the-top way possible, snarling and sneering and flouncing about in a manner that would almost put Jafar to shame. I blame this guy wholly for my love of British accents (Malcolm McDowell voices), long hair, and facial hair. And I still love him dearly, despite his movie being, at best, riffing fodder for me now.

14. Ultra Magnus from Transformers: Prime

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Being Optimus' most trusted lieutenant in the war against the Decepticons doesn't stop Ultra Magnus from being what is possibly the most awkward nerd this side of Cybertron. He has little to no social skills, and doesn't get earth humor at all. But oh, he tries, so very hard, to be as awesome as Optimus. He wants to command respect, but when your team is made up of people like Bulkhead and Wheeljack, all you can hope for is a slightly less awful migraine than the day before. Coupled with Michael Ironside's sexy, rumbly voice, Magnus becomes a cornucopia of adorable traits that I love and want to cuddle.

13. Deadpool from Marvel comics

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Yeah, he's an amoral, badly scarred mercenary who has far more than a few screws loose, but that doesn't stop him from winning a place in my heart. When I think of Deadpool, I look past the violence, and look at the cancer survivor, the rape survivor, the abuse survivor. I look at the his decency and his humor. Mostly his humor. Always his humor. I'm like Jessica Rabbit guys, I love a man who can make me laugh. But all that other stuff applies too! He's a much more well-rounded character than people give him credit for, and that's why I love him so much.

12. Alistair Krei from Big Hero 6

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I'm starting to think Alan Tudyk is gonna be like the John Ratzenberger of mainstream Disney. He's just gonna keep appearing in them until he dies. Alistair Krei is his third appearance, and quite frankly, his most attractive (although going up against King Candy and the Duke makes it easy). He's the CEO of Krei Tech, and one of the biggest factors in this movie's amazing character developing qualities. I've written an entire tumblr essay about why I like him so much, not even covering his gorgeous eyes and cute little smirk. He may be morally gray, but he's still up here for reasons I can't divulge because spoilers!

11. Prince Adam from Beauty and the Beast

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Unpopular opinion time: yes, I do think he's attractive. This is another topic I've harped on at length, because I have this uncanny ability to translate all the adorable stuff Beast does, and remember that this adorable twerp was actually the one doing it. Plus, ya know, there's that long hair and gorgeous eyes thing again. Those'll get me every time. We only get to see him this way for a few minutes, but it's worth it, and I love him to bits and pieces.

10. Ratchet from Transformers: Prime

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Just look at that grumpalump. Isn't he precious? Don't you just wanna cheer him up? I do. That's Ratchet, Optimus CMO and resident sourpuss of the Autobots. Even though he's frowning more often than not, Ratchet is brave, determined, and as caring and loving as a kitten if you really get close to him. He's one of the best fleshed-out characters who's not named Arcee, and is amazingly voiced by my man, Jeffrey Combs. He's my big, grumpy kitty and I'll always love his face.

9. Martian Manhunter from Justice League

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Another awkward alien dork to add to the pantheon. This one is from Mars. His name is J'onn J'onns, or Martian Manhunter. Either way, holy crap, is he precious. Clinical and monotone, J'onn understands little about human culture, but he does like some of the aspects. Like the Oreos. My favorite episode with him ever is Comfort and Joy, the JL Christmas episode where J'onn goes home to Smallville with Superman. He learns all about various Christmas traditions and why the holiday is so special to earthlings. Pretty much any other moment of his is either pure cute or ultimate badass, and I love him for it.

8. Miguel from The Road to El Dorado

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Look at him. Just look at those giant eyes and that innocent smile and that beard and that hair and tell me this isn't the most adorable man you've ever seen. Miguel is the dreamer of the duo in RtED, and he falls in love with the city and the various nifty things it has to offer, and he spends the majority of the movie with this look on his face. All he wants is adventure and to try new things. Throw in the fact that he's handsome as all get out, and you've got a wonderful man in my eyes.

7. Jack Skellington from The Nightmare Before Christmas

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Here's another wide-eyed...er, wide-socketed (?) dreamer that makes the list. Jack Skellington, the King of Halloween. Aside from ruling over my favorite holiday, Jack is just bursting with energy and curiosity, wanting to jazz things up a little with the new things he's discovered in life. He has a spectacular singing voice and a great dramatic flair, and he just manages to capture your heart with all his adorable antics. Plus, he's a skeleton. And skeletons are awesome.

6. Jorge Sanchez from The Book of Life

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And here we have another skeleton. In my last journal, when I told you that Placido Domingo had overtaken my brain, this was the form in which he chose to conquer. Jorge is one of Manolo's ancestors that resides in the Land of the Remembered. He was famous for fighting bulls even after losing an eye, an arm, and a leg ("Arms and legs are for cowards!"). His real dream, however, was to sing in the opera, but since "music is not work fit for a Sanchez bullfighter", he had to give it up. He gets the most backstory out of any of Manolo's ancestor's and I'm fascinated by him and his cuteness.

5. Saint Walker from Green Lantern: The Animated Series


And here we have another alien who, along with being a fictional crush, is also probably my spirit animal. This is Saint Walker, the first ever Blue Lantern, the lantern of hope. Ever since I first got into GLTAS back when it was on the air, I've loved this wonderful fish face. He's cheerful, sweet, supportive, and passive, preferring to defend rather than fight unless directly attacked. He gets some of the best dialogue in the series, courtesy of Phil Morris and his silky pipes, and he's the entire reason I think I'd be a blue lantern if I got the chance. The most important reason I like him is because he taught me the core of my belief system: there is always hope.

4. Sniper from Team Fortress 2

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And yet one more grumpy face to add to the list. A consummate professional, the Sniper is the best at what he does, and what he does is put a bullet between people's eyes. An Aussie hunter who tends to hang around by himself, Sniper doesn't have a lot to say, but when he does, it's generally adorable or hilarious. He's awkward, gangly, and introverted. In most supplemental content, he doesn't even get any lines, and is usually sleeping somewhere. But I find him wonderfully adorable, and can't get enough of him or his fabbu accent.

3. Skulduggery Pleasant

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A crackerjack wit, powerful sorcery skills, a tenuous grip on sanity, and excellent taste in suits, all wrapped into one deliciously Irish and bony package. What more could one ask for? When I first started reading Skulduggery Pleasant, I knew I was going to enjoy it, because who doesn't love a good fantasy with skeletons in it? But I never realized just how much I would love him, because he's pretty much everything I love, except for actually being Shae.

2. Clopin from The Hunchback of Notre Dame

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Another one of my firsts, Clopin is another of those characters who isn't around much, but hot damn, do I love it when he is. He's bouncy, energetic, bright, cheerful, and the majority of his lines are sung, beautifully so by Paul Kandel, and it just makes him so great. Every time I hear that final note in "The Bells of Notre Dame", I get shivers. Everything about this little rogue is charming and fun, and I love him for it.

1. Nightcrawler from X-Men

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And here he is, my number one babbu. What version do I love of him the best? All of them. No matter where I see him, whether in comics, in cartoons, or in movies, he always manages to be my favorite. Devil-may-care and optimistic, loyal and caring to a fault, Nightcrawler is an obscene amount of adorable wrapped up in a blue, furry package, and he's my favorite for that.

Well, that's all for this time, kids. Hope you have a happy, lovely Valentine's Day, with whomever it is in your life you love the most.

Cheers,
Lavender Cat</b></sub>